Today’s parents and children face a very different world than previous generations have encountered. Since March 14th, our entire country has locked down to “stay safe at home.” Parents lucky enough to still have a job are working virtually at home. Schools are closed, children are learning online, and are unable to be with their friends. Many families have fled the cities and moved in with the grandparents in the suburbs and rural areas.
Those grandparents are playing a different and, in some cases, irreplaceable role in their grandchildren’s lives. They play games with them, help them with their school work, tell them stories about the “olden days,” and listen to their frustrations and fears.
Other grandparents aren’t so lucky; their grandchildren live miles away. Facetime and zoom meetings aren’t the same as being together, but they’re the next best thing these days. I have a friend who lives in California, and every night she reads her three-year-old grandson a Facebook bedtime story.
Like my friend, grandparents have always stepped up to the plate and played an essential role in their grandchildren’s lives, sometimes even filling in for a deceased parent. Grace, the twelve-year-old protagonist in my coming of age novel, Stillwater, lost her father to suicide when she was eight years old. Her grandfather, Doc, moved the family in with him and became a surrogate father to her and Denny, her younger brother.
In Grace’s own words, “Doc insisted we move into the upstairs apartment in his building after my father died because my mother was too upset to take care of us. Some days she didn’t get out of bed, and if she did, she didn’t speak.”
Doc taught Grace not to judge but put herself in the other person’s shoes; he taught her that things aren’t always as they seem and not jump to conclusions. He was loving and fair—a steady presence in her life—her mentor, her rock. He provided a stability that allowed Grace to navigate problems with confidence.
When I discuss Stillwater in various groups and book clubs, someone always says, “My favorite character was Doc. I wish I had a Doc.” I’m fortunate that I did. My father was bipolar and often not emotionally available to me, but Doc was always there through the ups and downs with his words of wisdom and understanding. And although he died years ago, he’s never left and I know he never will.
Here’s to grandparents!